clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
