i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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