Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
