she was so not down for the gang bang
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I still have a little drunk in my system
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
