Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
