I only kidnapped one of them. chill
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize