My first STD was from a foam party
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
