i think my mom watched the whole time
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
