I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
