Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
