farters have to be the big spoon...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize