im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Ketchup is God's man juice
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
