Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
