she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
