I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize