Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
