Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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