i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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