babies were throwing up all over the place
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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