I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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