I need help removing her.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
