you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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