Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
