he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
