She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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