There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
