She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
