she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
birth control should be required to get into college
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
