What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Drake has all the answers
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I touched a dick in church today
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
