i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Barsexuality is the new black.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
