i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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