i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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