Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
