i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
