how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Who died my cat blue again?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
