If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It's blow job season.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
