Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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