No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
