First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
