i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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