I got chris browned last night
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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