Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
