At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
