i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
