Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
