I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
