god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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