Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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