Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
