I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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