So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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