Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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