just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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