I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
