he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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