I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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