Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
