we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I said "one day" and that day is not today
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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