Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I need moral support for this bender
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
