my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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