I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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