Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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