He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
