Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i think my mom watched the whole time
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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