I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
