we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
