I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
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