man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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