i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize