i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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